to my younger self

If I could hop in Marty McFly's Deloreon and offer some words of wisdom to early 2000's Natalie, this is what I'd tell her. Essentially I would tell her that it all worked out, that all was well some 10 years later. I'd also have to mention that chunky platform flip flops and Von Dutch trucker hats were NEVER a good idea! But I'd tell her that she would be married, a homeowner sans white picket fence but a happily married mom. But also I would have to tell her that she would have to pay the price. That along the way there would be rejection, disappointment, some flat out dumb decisions and the inevitable heartache/s. But I'd remind her that it would all workout. I'd tell her that she would be fortunate and have all of the typical things that young girls dream of but there would still be things left to desire and want to achieve. Ultimately for her to understand that happiness and material gain is not a given and automatically acquired but it is something to continuously strive for and find for yourself. 

I often imagine those icebreaker scenario questions "what's the craziest thing you've done?" or to be relative, "what's the one thing you regret". I always struggle with those broad questions. I'm that person that can't recall an amazing tale on the spot and only moments after when my turn is over, I think dammit I should have said .. "this and that etc." and then immediately feeling like an uninteresting la-hoo-zuher. I've often thought about my past mistakes and how it would have looked like if I didn't make them. I've struggled with the logic of why would God allow this undeserving no good reason pain in my life. 

I've come to the understanding that although there was more bad than good that came from some past decisions, ultimately they made me a smarter, better and stronger person because of it. I have flaws but I don't consider past regrets my flaws. I was on a journey of loving and learning and along the way making a few mistakes but they ultimately led me to the right path and I couldn't have asked for a better ending which in reality is just the beginning of the next chapter. What I consider and hope to be the best chapter. It took me almost 30 years to get here and finally now I feel almost reborn, in new skin, ready to step out from the back of the crowd and stand on my own. So to my young, naive, sweet Natalie, you're gonna be alright kid.