the infinite carryover

I've never been one of those people who was quite good at keeping resolutions or had specific resolutions for that matter. I would have the standard: lose weight, eat better, go to church more, clean more, spend less etc. Less of a resolution and more of a just be a better version of myself. Isn't that the thing with New Years resolutions? An opportunity to redeem your worse self. Should be called redemption if you ask me. 

New Years Eve is often held in the highest standard as if it's the end all be all of epic nights. Fancy outfit, endless bubbly, midnight kiss. For some 10-15 years it had been a mish mash of these typical "NYE things" for me but never quite a complete and full on perfect evening, not until I guess I met my hubby and things started finally falling into place. But before I get off topic the whole point of this rambling was and is that I've been thinking about resolutions and the crazy fast approaching new year ahead and how I want to simply just do life better. 

How I hope to be the best version of myself, and ultimately a better wife, daughter, sister and importantly mother to my darling son. How I really need to dust underneath the couches one first time (half-joke). How I need to stop buying of the moment entertaining accessories if I'm not hosting and having fabulous dinner parties. How I need to start having fabulous dinner parties. How I need to accept that I really can't do it all and be "on" all the time. How that "baby's first year" book stopped growing at 7 months old and is looking more like a bag of photos and momentos that has been sitting far too long on the Ikea Expedit shelving unit that never quite came to life in the guest room that too was never realized.. sigh it's all so exhausting, can't I just blame it on the working mom schedule? Anyway messy life aside, that is my vision. To do better, be better, and maybe actually use that on trend copper hammered drink bucket currently living in my fireplace :)
 
What are you redeeming this year?
Happy New Year! Bring it 2015.

merry kiss kiss

So it's over. The holiday week has come to an end, my vacation has sadly come to an end.. it's Sunday morning. I have mixed feelings about Sundays. The morning is nice as it's meant to be lazy loungy breakfast by the tv-y and the not often enough visit to church... but a new year ahead.
Well Christmas here was delightful. I successfully hosted my first Christmas and first real dinner party. I got to use my gold flatware what felt like I was hoarding for so long in the cabinet. Tablescape came out so nice. If only it could stay that way. Most importantly, food was good. A few things I can take away and learn from but nothing burned, nothing was raw and tummies were filled.
After dinner and dessert, we got a visit from Santa Clause! Courtesy of my dreamboat with his not so Northern Pole accent. My little munchkin was a bit uneasy around him but the nephews ate it up. Santa brought A LOT of gifts! Seems like more and more each year. My little guy got all sorts of ....alternative furniture... as I like to call it, toys galore that will now take space in our living room. But they make him happy so that's that. I got a bunch of knick knacks, a lot of useful house things that we needed and then a few pretty items for fun. My hubster got me a crossbody I was eyeing and a super sweet sentimental ring.
I hope you all had a blessed and fulfilling holiday. Here are some snapshots from our Christmas.

Christmas morning with my munchkin

All gussied up and ready for the family to arrive

tablescape

ripped up skinnys and new red plaid loafers

My favorite gift from my favorite man

Boxing Day photo shoot with my little guy taking his favorite gift for a spin

Our silly family

Onto New Year's Eve!

T-3 days for Xmas and here's a role playing segue

Monday morning here. Day 1 of the most long awaited for week in my life... My company initiated free week off from work... yahoo! A whole week of anything and everything that I ever wanted to do, try and accomplish. High expectations, yes but isn't it better to aim high and naturally set yourself up for automatic failure then to just accept that you'll most likely be doing nothing at all? And by nothing at all, I would marathoning a show, possibly taking a peek at that book on my night stand and heck of a lot of pinning. So I guess it's win win either way :) But today I'm actually trying something I have never done but have always wanted to. Brace yourself people, I am currently sitting in the local Starbucks, latte in hand, cozy winter hat adorned, people watching on the sly, typing on my laptop as I write this. Yes, I am living the dream of SAHM/aspiring photographer (or insert any other work at home profession) working away at the interwebs like so many others before me and amongst me. Big dreams here. But seriously, there is a desire there. Not just to be worry free and have endless hours of free time but to do something on my time, my way and get there on my own even if by trial and error. A little backstory here. Do I have a profession that I have worked and succeeded at. Yes absolutely. Is there still opportunity and years left in my field for continued growth and financial potential. Yes again. But here's the big one.. the one you hear so many times at real life and after school special graduation speeches, is it something I am passionate about, wake up wanting to go to work, and believe is the reason I was put here to do... sadly-truly-flat-out no.

I wish it was easy enough to just quit and start anew. If this was 10 years ago, sure. I could quit and not do a thing if that was what I was aiming for. But we're responsible adults here and I am happy and proud to contribute to my family's financial well being and success. Could I take a step back and tighten up the homestead if that was what was required as a SAHM. Yes I would, but right now it's just not in the books for us. What I hope though is, FT job or not, although married with a toddler and planning for another bundle, that even with all that chaos, I can still dream big and try the things that I scoffed at in years past and never thought I had in me. I tell myself, if I could travel back 10 years, oh the things I'd tell my younger self, but we all know how that goes. I doubt I would take that advice and utilize it. This is life, you live and learn and when it makes sense, you'll do it and it will come from the heart. That doesn't mean I will find success and happiness in my attempted endeavors, but hey at least I tried. Years from now I can look back and I won't have reason to say, I wish I did this or that. 

So today, I am doing just that. I'm caffeinated, well rested and I have my DSLR in tow. I'm going to drop all of the typical things I would have done on a day off and I'm going to play photographer. I don't know what I'll find out there but it's worth taking a look.

Wishing myself luck here at another attempt at grabbing life by the bullhorns.
Have you had a similar awakening? Were you able to find a healthy balance?
Wishing us all luck, success and well being.
Happy Monday!

christmas day menu planning round 1

So it's been a week since my last post. Truth is I have been busy. Heck everyone's busy, ammiright. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Festivus for the restofus etc. There's tons to do and plan for for the many holidays of the month. I haven't even started on NYE. Way too overwhelming. One day at at time. I have the tree up and it's decorated! Despite my 1.5 year old pulling it down ONTO his little body.... yup! I can laugh about it now. (Not a scratch or brush of anything :) totally unphased and went to try again post broken ornament cleanup.)

Conclusively, I'm glad that it's not due to the fact that I have been uninspired. Quite contrary, I did some practice 12/25 meal prep with photos last week of some recipes and crafts that I had wanted to test initially planning to showcase, but then I realized this all being very knew to me as a novice "blogger" (have I earned that title?) who is just starting out, I just don't have all the wrinkles ironed out yet. We'll get there. In the meantime these are some of the things I tried out. More successes than not .. so yay me! In the order of best to least best. Recipes linked in title.

Pumpkin Hummos.. yum! Although this one could go either way. I grew up on this stuff - plain old homemade hummos that is - so the thought of making it untraditionally and gasp! adding pumpkin could result in an undesirable impression on the 'rents. Luckily the pumpkin flavor is subtle so long as you follow recipe and is almost something of a je ne sais quoi. You notice something different but can't quite put your finger on it. That will be my aha! moment where I reveal the secret ingredient. Then again I am/was planning to use food labels, so there goes that.. oy.


Taste: Yum although tweak lemon/salt/garlic to your liking.
Level: Super easy so long as you have a food processor. Blender would work too.

Parmesan-Herb Roasted Potatoes .. another yum. I never thought to put parm on roasted potatoes. I usually keep it simple with oil, S&P, and some garlic powder. If I'm feeling a little extra fancy I'll bust out the garlic and garlic press but ain't nobody got time for that at 6:30pm on a weeknight. But for Christmas, we're pulling out all the stops. So here we have simple cut potatoes, oil, S&P, garlic, fresh herbs and top it off with shredded parm! Yup so easy and so good.

Taste: Yum. Cook accordingly. (I was cooking something else at 400F prior to putting the potatoes in so they cooked faster a little uneven though.)

Level: Super easy. Be mindful of not burning parm. One thing to consider is lightly dusting parm and then go full force when potatoes are half-way cooked to avoid immediate burning of cheese.

Christmas Salad This one I have not tried yet but I'm really excited about. Finely chopped red cabbage and kale may just be the winning combo for the reluctant kale eaters. Add in pomegranate seeds and dried cranberries.. wowza so simple yet could be so good. I'll probably throw in some shredded feta or goat cheese and perhaps pine nuts. I'm excited for the crunch factor here. Nothing worse then soggy wilted over dressed lettuce leaves.



From my previous post, I tested out these two crafts:

 


Both were super easy and quick! Although, if time allows, I'm planning to spray paint the candy canes gold. I think it will it make for a more elegant look and will pair perfect with the debut of my long-waited gold flatware :)
I have one set of napkins in a heather gray like color that I think will look nice despite not being the color of a tree. Oh well. I have yet to decide what the topper will be but that should finish the look.

Lastly, I tested these out: Red Velvet Cheesecake Cookies
I was so excited for these. Cheesecake filled cookie? Oh yeah. But alas this did not please me as I hoped for. They were by no means a fail but I will not be making these for the big day. They actually came out as pictured although I did not follow thru and complete with the white chocolate icing. I figured this was a testing round and I was more concerned with the cookie then with the icing. I was expecting the cheesecake filling to be the biggest fail and but alas even that stayed put. My gripe is the box cake mix - across the board it seems. I've tried to like the ole mix from a box but it just fails. The quality homemade gooey cookie taste is not there. As I suppose it rightfully just can't be. I love the idea of using a mix for the base of a cookie but the flavor/texture falls flat. Snob I may be but it's just not my cup of tea. Were they awful? No. Tolerable? Absolutely. My son devoured them. But were they what I envisioned them to be? Sadly not close. Will they be tossed? No way. My unofficial taste-testers aka the office crowd will eat these up before lunch. But they are pretty, huh.

Off to round two.

more like the newbied'or

It's happening... I'm hosting my first adult holiday dinner party... my mom is actually letting me do this. And I'm equally honored and excited yet majorly scared! Ok ok, I should give myself some credit. In my 3 years of wedded homeownership, have I had people over for dinner? Surrre. Did majority of those times include takeout containers? ….maybe. Have I cooked and baked from scratch for a lucky few, yes it is true I have, but this is the mega of all holidays, Christmas! (Well meal wise, Thanksgiving is. I will not take that away from you November 27! but Christmas! Christmas is what dreams are made of. Is it silly and completely taken to the next level by society that tends to forget the real reason of the season? – unfortunately absolutely. But do I still love all the glitz and glamour that belongs to this time of month all whilst celebrating the birth of my Savior? Yes.. yes I do!) So, back to the reason for this post, have I done this epic of a dinner party for my parents and family? NOPE! I do not take this lightly. This is my opportunity. 

All those pins tucked away on a variety of to do someday Pinterest boards, recipes hoarded that I tell myself "I'll try later on” (foolish girl), all of the cute holiday/hosting décor that is collecting dust, this is my time people! Which is why I want to ensure I plan ahead and plan accordingly. I want to make an impression..well that I surely will if it’s a bad one :( but I want it to be a knock ‘em off their holiday socks / “wow my middle child is so creative”/ our Auntie rocks / cocktail-clickin’/ appetizer springin’, hammin' it up for the cammy kind of shindig.  

Expectations people. 

I’m hoping that if I write this all down and have a place centrally to reference come 12/24, I’ll be better prepared. The plan people is to start testing out recipes, DIY holiday crafting and anything else in between, starting.. today... errr tomorrow, until J-day is here (Judgement and Jesus … see what I did there). T-minus 16 days! 

Some current pinspiration:

Put those old fashioned round glass ornaments to good use and my son won't be able to reach these... score!:

Festive and affordable option for food labels and placecards:

Cute cheerful edible Xmas tree apps... yes please:

Now we're getting ambitious, hmm:

Stay tuned for my first attempt.

oh christmas tree

Last week I had blogged about the notion of holiday traditions and essentially that I would like to take this tradition thing seriously going forward. In the past I've tended to mostly commit to a consistent thing whether it be casual, a monthly occurrence or an annual event. I'm not sure why on occasions such things are a no question about/we are definitely doing this now and then why another equally as worthy practice is passed upon so nonchalantly. Who knows.. I don't. And I guess there's no point in pondering why. What it is worth pondering is figuring out which traditions I may do say this or next year that will continue to make sense to commit to down the line once the kid and God willing the other kid/s are bouncing and consuming all of my time and space. I suppose there is no way to guarantee it and perhaps should be a little bit trial and error and a lot of intentional effort.

It dawned on me just the other day that since celebrating my first Christmas with the hubby as man and wife, we have bought a fresh deliciously divine smelling real Christmas pine tree every year. Yes! 1 for me on the mental traditions board. I've always loved the idea of a real tree. Perhaps even more than the actual tree itself. Something about the timing, the mood and the overall feel of being with other fellow holiday celebrating patrons all bundled up navigating a sea of trees all sorts and sizes. And then heading into the nearby mom+pop store for some hot cocoa... isn't it such the early scene of a Hallmark holiday movie? :) guilty pleasure yes! (Hmm that could be potential for another future tradition .. though it might just be me myself and I ..hmm). So yeah, last week after our tummies regulated post turkey and like we did the year before, we visited our local tree farm Thanksgiving weekend to get an early start on all things Christmas decorating. Out with the old ... bye bye Woody you cute straw light up outdoor pumpkin you, in with the new... hellllllo Francis our just today fully lighted and ornamented balsam fir. We welcome you. Except you'll notice little man is straight up all over you unlike last year.. sorry for the endless tugging and yanking. Despite my unintentional ombre of ornaments from heavy glass/breakable on top to plastic and kid-friendly at the bottom 2 layers, all lit up, you look like a falcon of hope in this otherwise messy but cozy house :) Looks like we got our first Christmas tradition realized!

Will you be putting up a tree this year? Do you go real or fake?

Hostess Gifting

With the holiday season fast approaching and all those on your list it's inevitable to forget some of the not so obvious giftees. We all have them, our go to service people, one of many of your child's teachers, the stocking stuffers and in particular hostess gifts. With the many holiday parties approaching all the way thru the end of the year, I find it best to strategize early on and buy accordingly - if only I'll take that advice as well :P.

Here are my picks for the hostess with the mostess.

1 Foolproof Recipes  2 Glitter Salad Set 3 Salt Gift Trio 4 Kitchen Gift Set
5 Glass X Candleholders 6 Lion Place Card Holders 7 Hammered Gold Serving Tray 8 Faceted Terrariums
9 Cocktail Recipe Plates 10 Geo Bottle Stoppers 11 Record Coasters 12 Wine Pearls

It was a Navy Friday for me!

So, I wasn't planning on spending the majority of my Black Friday at Old Navy. I like Old Navy, I do. I think they do have some great finds, classic styles and comfort staples for lounging and dressing up. Their jeans on the other hand while very affordable, they just don't live up to standard. They can look cute and they have a decent selection of styles, fits and colors but I seem to find something off whether it's how they fit on my backside - as in they do nothing for it - or that and this is going to sound strange but one leg always seems like the inner stitch is not parallel to the inner part of the human leg where it should line up. I'm telling ya, I'm constantly turning the leg of the jean inward to line up correctly! ~ weird huh. Anyway, clearly I did not buy jeans but was caught up in the thick of Black Friday and couldn't resist the 50% the entire store promotion. Although I was genuinely shocked to find out that that did not qualify for clearance/reduced price items.. like are you serious right now Old Navy? It's fricken' Black Friday, the biggest shopping day of the year and you're gonna have exclusions. How rude! Anyway, I quietly regressed my frustrations and continued on with my purchases. At 50% off, I did pretty good with some super cute quality pieces. Fun new weekend family outfits here we come! Hopefully we can accomplish that Christmas family photo shoot already.

1 Texture Tank 2 Flannel Shirt 3 Circle Skirt 4 Polka Dot Tunic 5 Mens Sweats
6 Toddler Snow Pants 7 Toddler Shawl Cable Knit Sweater  8 Toddler Camo Sweats
9 Mens Cable Knit Sweater  10 Women's Knit Hat 11 Checkered Shirt 12 Toddler Flannel Shirt

to black friday or not

Gone are the days of 3am wakeup calls on the wee hours of Black Friday. I can recall maybe 2 or 3 occasions where I actually awoke half-asleep or possibly pulled an all-nighter and braved the cold, sometime snowy and mostly always wet suburban shopping plazas in an attempt to snag the red hot deals. So what if it meant I'd be stuck with a flat screen TV that I didn't need or that $3 slow-cooker for one! Seriously it's kinda genius if you're flying solo and wanna whip up some pulled pork or a mashed potato. But some wiser years later, at the end of the day I realized sure those were good deals but did I really need them? Would I have bought them any other day? Maybe. Deals aside, I guess I just can't be bothered with the whole waiting outside in line like a zombie. One year there was a woman with a baby.. a small BABY at 4 in the morning at Target - true story. Tad loony and probably not the warmest and safest place for an infant when you're surrounded by ruthless take no prisoner Black Friday shoppers. Which is why now I take it all leisurely. Do I love a deal? Heck yes. Am I willing to sacrifice my 1st born for said deal - no way Jose.
But still I do find myself curious on Black Friday. I wanna be out there but on my time and my way. The day is here and I think I'm ready. My plan is to hit up the lesser popular of Black Friday stores. I'll swing by the Container Store (love that place even for just perusing. Organization makes me weak in the knees, not that I'm by any means on top of that but seeing it made possible gives some hope). After that perhaps Michael's, let the Christmas decor begin! And then maybe just maybe Old Navy and Target for some staples and also the kid needs snow pants. I completely forgot about snow pants! Snow has arrived and my little guy is just in awe looking out from the window. Can't wait to see him toss around in it.
So there it is, that is my plan for today. I don't have high expectations and I'm okay with not striking gold. Just gonna enjoy the day and hope to get a few things and maybe get started on that Christmas shopping.
Are you going out today? What was the best deal you got?

turkey for me, turkey for you

It's Thanksgiving! In the corporate world, the longest consecutive company initiated holiday break. This 2-2.5 day break makes for the shortest most revered work-week there is. Wild how it's already here. It so doesn't feel like turkey time but the calendar says so, thus there's not much I can do to stop myself from over-indulging in just a few short days. Don't even get me on the December holidays... I'm.just.not.ready.for.it. #whathappenedtofall ? Despite that, I guess I'm a tad more excited than I normally might be since my little one is now more toddlerish than infantish like last years holidays. This year he actually gets to have my moms famous baked apple, sweet potato + chestnut dish and come next month, I can't wait to see him on Christmas morning!

All this happening so quickly has got me thinking about traditions and specifically new traditions to begin with my guy and lil man. Growing up in my house we didn't do much out of the norm when it came to holiday traditions. There were a few years where we opened up gifts on Christmas Eve and then at some point that stopped and we waited until the morning. But the gifts were always under the tree from early December and on, which made for an even more curious little Natalie. I guess it didn't really matter to me that it quite possibly couldn't have been Santa to leave these so early when I knew he could only be coming on Christmas Eve despite the many Santa sightings throughout the month. I took what I could get. If I could sneakily peel back some Scotch tape, have a peek and not be discovered, that was all that mattered. Looking back now I suppose it wouldn't have mattered if the gifts were put out early or put out for Christmas morning, with a will there's a way and I would have looked high and low for them. Yeah that was me and I guess still is, I'm that person that wants to know the ending before completing the (insert book, tv show series, Serial podcast!, etc.) I'm no fun.

So now that my boy is growing faster than I want and not my little lap baby, I would like to start some new traditions realistic enough to continue to do annually. If not this year, then next definitely. With Thanksgiving this week, I still haven't quite figured out what would work. I love the idea of volunteering to help those less fortunate (something I haven't done since gosh youth group days) but I think I'd have to wait some years down the line when the kid is older and understands why we are doing what we are doing. I also like the idea of sharing what we are all thankful for but with Thursdays meal spent with my family and some other guests, dismally I just don't think that would realistically happen. Just picture a super awkward, unauthentic and forced exercise. How sad huh? I love my family but you know that can be. I know I'll be more successful if I keep it in house contained and controlled by me. It's the luxury I get as woman/mom of the house. One that I waited almost 30 years for and look forward to keeping my roommates surprised and on their toes!

Do any of you have any unique traditions? I'd love to hear them :)
Hope you all have a delicious, filling and blessed Happy Thanksgiving. 

Morning world, Sunday morning here in my house, aka another beautiful day to do nothing or relative to the latest post, a day for holiday shopping. Next up on the holiday gift guide feature is two-fold: A sampling of goodies for a ladypal or better yet, treat yo-self!

1. Rebecca Minkoff M.A.B. Mini Tote
2. Tarte Bon Voyage Collector Set
3. J.Crew Factory Side Button Elbow Patch Sweater
4. Kei Gold Druzy Pendant Necklace
5. Fringed Colorblock Scarf
6. Gold Chevron Ring
7. Leopard Foldover Crossbody (Monogrammable!)
8. Madewell Post Wallet

9. Zara Kitten Heel Pumps

10. Gap Marled Sweats

Hope you had a lovely weekend :)

i hear those cash registers ringing and online clicking....

For many errand running, purchasing obsessive consumers, the holiday shopping season can be a tedious but oddly satisfying time. Finding that perfect gift may take endless shopping trips, time consuming cross-referencing pins with competitor website pricings and possibly a lot of last minute purchasing, but at long last at the end of the day when you have it all laid out on your catch all table in my case the multi use dining room table, there’s an abundant feeling of satisfaction and an emptiness lifted away at the same time. And then of course you’re off to the best part, putting all that pretty holiday wrapping paper and accessorizing bows to use that have been patiently waiting to be curled and taped and strategically placed. Ahh if only it was December 23.

Back to what doesn't have to be such a dread, I've put together some gift guides to be posted over the next few days, for some of the special people on my to-buy lists. Maybe it will help you out too. Hope you find everything you are looking for, 35 days to go! Now let the Christmas music begin.

Starting with my #1 man: the hubster

1. Ugg Byron Slipper
2. ASOS Smart Shirt
3. Gap Scarf
4. Big Sky Carvers Gauge Coaster
5. Pair of Thieves Socks
6. J.Crew Merino Elbow Patch Sweater
7. Beard Pack
8. Tie Mag
9. ASOS Leather Boots
10. Zara Knit Hat

to my boo on the eve of his year 32

Dear Hubby,
In a short few hours we will be fast asleep just like any other night. But unlike the past 364 days, as the clock strikes 12 you will have reached the end of another year. A year filled with happy days, exciting moments, some average mundane days (hey, it's not all fluff), new opportunities and a lot of crazy busy baby days. It is hard to believe how fast this year came and went. It feels like yesterday that we rang in the new year with our then chunky lap baby and here we are almost at year end with a mini Tazmanian Devil spinning us wild left and right. Was this like any other year or is this one for the history books? It's hard to tell thinking about it now. I suppose looking back many many years from now, it will be clearer or perhaps the opposite will be true and it will look like one big blur of years meshed and mixed up. Whatever the tune, I want to acknowledge you today. I want to tell you, my loving, sweet, compassionate hubby (oh yeah), that although you feel this is just any other day, I want you to know how much I cherish and appreciate you. Aside from my excitement, I want you to take a moment and get excited, have a moment to relish in something as simple as a birthday cake and a gift that will likely consist of boxer briefs and fun socks (I know.. I could have done a little better but you know very well how often I badger you and how indifferent you are with this stuff). I don't know if it's a guy thing to be impartial to celebrations and I suppose naturally the opposite for us ladies, but I want you to know that whether you like it or not, it is my duty to liven it up and overcompensate for your deficiencies. So without further ado, I wrote a little poem for you:

to my sweet strong loving boo
on the eve of your year 32

i think that's the first time i called you boo?
i know it's not "us", but it rhymes anywho
you're more my babe, darling or hun
whatever the name, you know i love you a ton
here we are some 6 years in
newlyweds no more, but my next of kin
but wait i think you may have lost that place
to the chubby boy who takes up most of our space
either way, you know i love you long time
years will come and go, you'll still be my partner in crime
but today yes today I celebrate you
my strong handsome man tried and true
you have hair so lovely, it beams and envies
and a backside that's no doubt the bees knees
strong arms and futbol legs to help shoulder on
when the going gets tough, you're never withdrawn
you know when to fight and when to let live
it's for your own good, you know i will outlive
a compassionate daddy with a soft sweet heart
such a treat to watch you two, but then you go and fart
moments like those make it all the worthwhile
our good days and bad always end with a smile
i wouldn't want it any other way
you are my sun, the stars and my finest day

Wishing you many happy healthy years ahead babe. I love you till forever. Xoxo.

countdown to the weekend

This weekend was a busy one with birthdays and celebrations. Lately it feels like I get slammed with 2-3 events in one weekend and then nothing for weekends to come. And while it's nice to have the lazy Saturday/Sunday lie in bed mornings followed by all day nothingness, I find that I am most productive when my time is limited.. otherwise that couch can be very tempting and oh boy Netflix and the shows and fully released entire seasons, lets just say I was a zombie the weekend Season 2 of OITNB came out. Tough stuff huh, and both me and the hubster are victims to this.

Lucky for me it wasn't one of those weekends. It started off with an opening party for a good friend who recently opened a hair salon. It's fulfilling to see the big life changes in the lives of friends I've known since the early teenage years. Who would have thought we'd end up where we are. It gives me hope to see fellow ladies take a piece of that pie and make something for themselves. Makes me a believer in that maybe just maybe one day, I can have my own little thing too. She did offer to let me moonlight as an esthetician if I'd like. My not so secret passion for picking and squeezing.. I'm a picker, yup come from a long line of pickers. We spot something, oh it's happening, it's coming out. So it is unfortunate for me that my husband refuses to let me lay a finger on his rough and tough exterior. Oh I would be such a happy lil wifey if he could just do me that one favor and let me have at it. But no.. guess I just have to be patient another 10-12 years until the little man gets all hormonal and begs me to help him with his teenage hardships. Ahh the benefits to mothering. How did I get to this??

Saturday was spent doing the usual erranding. Which encompasses everything from bank runs (who even does that anymore?), food shopping.. numerous food store shopping, the holy grail.. Target walkabout, a Starbucks run or two and some last minute birthday gift shopping for a cute little boy's first birthday on Sunday. And just as fast as Friday came around so did Sunday morning. Something about Sunday morning. It's promising, the start of another free day but simultaneously slightly depressing as you know it's the imminent end of the weekend. It feels like the majority of a Sunday is spent preparing for the approaching workweek ahead. As soon as Sunday morning's figurative alarm clock sets off, it's as if the ringer is reset with the countdown leading you to the end of the day. As each hour passes, you're further reminded that the end is that much closer. What's ironic is that as much as I dread Monday morning, I tend to be the most productive on Mondays. Just as I wind down on a Friday and count my TGIF blessings, I suppose Mondays gives me the chance to renew and refresh my self and put my best self forward. Hmm sounds pretty convincing, now if I can only really psyche myself for this inspiring notion.

Well the clock is ticking here. Hope you all had a lovely weekend.

to my younger self

If I could hop in Marty McFly's Deloreon and offer some words of wisdom to early 2000's Natalie, this is what I'd tell her. Essentially I would tell her that it all worked out, that all was well some 10 years later. I'd also have to mention that chunky platform flip flops and Von Dutch trucker hats were NEVER a good idea! But I'd tell her that she would be married, a homeowner sans white picket fence but a happily married mom. But also I would have to tell her that she would have to pay the price. That along the way there would be rejection, disappointment, some flat out dumb decisions and the inevitable heartache/s. But I'd remind her that it would all workout. I'd tell her that she would be fortunate and have all of the typical things that young girls dream of but there would still be things left to desire and want to achieve. Ultimately for her to understand that happiness and material gain is not a given and automatically acquired but it is something to continuously strive for and find for yourself. 

I often imagine those icebreaker scenario questions "what's the craziest thing you've done?" or to be relative, "what's the one thing you regret". I always struggle with those broad questions. I'm that person that can't recall an amazing tale on the spot and only moments after when my turn is over, I think dammit I should have said .. "this and that etc." and then immediately feeling like an uninteresting la-hoo-zuher. I've often thought about my past mistakes and how it would have looked like if I didn't make them. I've struggled with the logic of why would God allow this undeserving no good reason pain in my life. 

I've come to the understanding that although there was more bad than good that came from some past decisions, ultimately they made me a smarter, better and stronger person because of it. I have flaws but I don't consider past regrets my flaws. I was on a journey of loving and learning and along the way making a few mistakes but they ultimately led me to the right path and I couldn't have asked for a better ending which in reality is just the beginning of the next chapter. What I consider and hope to be the best chapter. It took me almost 30 years to get here and finally now I feel almost reborn, in new skin, ready to step out from the back of the crowd and stand on my own. So to my young, naive, sweet Natalie, you're gonna be alright kid.

the inevitable truth: embracing my inner earthy crunchie

I first discovered something other than the conventional approach to beauty a few years back during my pregnancy. Sounds shallow that it took me some 15 years to realize it when the alternative natural lifestyle has been around a lot longer. I guess I just dismissed that lifestyle as silly and a bit dramatic - ignorant I know, but sometimes or maybe all of the time, you just have to get there on your own and figure it out for yourself; no matter how many times good willed people try to convince you. Which is why I won't rant on the benefits or try to convince anyone. 

So what could be wrong with using commercialized drugstore beauty buys and or eating non-organic? I've been doing it all these years and I turned out fine. Fast forward to the present and boy do I hate that line and logic. The "I was spanked and I turned out fine" or the I grew up eating Doritos and Dunkaroos and drinking liters of Pepsi and look at me, I'm fine. Yeah well people, fine is not good enough for this lady over here! I'm no better than anyone else but I know better and it is my goal to do myself and my family a favor in giving the best and doing my best for them. No one can deny that logic. 

Back to the topic at hand, so there I was Fall of 2012 in my first trimester spending countless hours surfing the web coming across way more info than necessary when it comes to what some may or may not consider safe for mommy and zygote. Smoking, drinking .. obvious I knew those, cold cuts & soft cheeses, yeah I guess I can't deny that one, but froyo? who knew. Well froyo aside it awoke me from my dream err denial that even some things in moderation are still not good. Just cause it's a small dose doesn't make it okay. Small dose or not, count up all the days/years/reapply's, where does that get you to? What doesn't kill you in this case might not make you stronger. The bright side I discovered is that luckily there is a more natural alternative i.e #wholefoods. So it may not be the most cost effective but there are definitely diy options. And so my journey started and it began with what seemed to have the most outwardly benefit. I'll admit in the beginning my desires were more about vanity than helping myself or the environments but it's a start at least I thought, I was doing something good. 

My first approach was going no poo. That is tossing all traditional shampoos and conditioners to the side and going more au naturale with a baking soda wash and an apple cider vinegar conditioner - real sexy stuff people. But it made sense to me. There is science behind it, ph levels and what not and how traditional shampoos rid your scalp of all natural oils and basically tell your scalp to go into overproduction, hence causing oily hair. Luckily I have naturally curly and dry hair (not that I embrace or love it but that's an  entry for another day) so I don't get the oilies as quickly as someone with slick straight hair and can typically go (alert! alert! TMI warning) 4-5 days between washings ... I know... don't judge. Truth is, it's better for your hair and like anything over time your hair will adjust to whatever new process you expose it to. But I will admit it is a very diy approach, and I don't just mean physically speaking. It really helps to be intuitive and be able to trust the process a little. I'm naturally awful at intuition when it comes to anything beauty/body/hair related. But I'm learning to trust myself and my body in letting it do it's thing. 

So what started as just my hair, has expanded to skincare, body products, and even makeup. But I'm easing myself into it. I can't justify or bring myself to just dump all of my toxic laced existing products in the trash. Going forward, my compromise is to buy the alternative more natural version when I do run out of an item. So far it has worked well although it does take some trial and error and research. Luckily there are many organic and natural beauty companies out there that offer the toxic-free formula. It's also helpful that there are websites that rate products on a good to bad spectrum and breakdown ingredients with their respective harmful detriments. I am by no means an expert and I fall short all the time. I know it will be especially hard for me to let go of my trusty under eye concealer when the last drop has been squeezed .... but I refuse to turn back now on the truth, myself and my family.

blastoff

I decided it was time to start something. I've always been somewhat of a makeshift but gets the job done multi-tasker - a true B+ student if you will. Someone who can do the 9-5, come home and be a wifemom, throw in some diy, have time to watch dvr'd shows and throw together a crockpot prep the night before. And while on most days I can maneuver most of that, it still feels like I could be doing more, I could be doing better. 

I wanna read more, see more, ponder more, prepare more and not cram amazing things into the last minute. I also want to have me time. But how does a FT working mom do all that, I thought. I don't know the answer but I do tend to find relief in just letting it all out and sometimes talking it all out to myself.. yep that's me, the semi crazy new mom ranting to herself every time my 15 month old flings his puffs to the floor and giggles. Which brings me here. Not exactly for that reason or in that order but I thought "hmm, I think I should give some creative writing a chance" - something I have no formal experience in (you've been warned) with the exception of teenage diary entries and some "going thru some stuff" poetry rhyme. So if anyone is out there, I am too. I'm the natad'or here, (in real life, I'm just Natalie) in an attempt to grab this one life by the bullhorns and make it a memorable one.